We are now in the mountains and they are in us, kindling enthusiasm, making every nerve quiver, filling every pore and cell of us. // John Muir
Moving across the country is serious business. Especially when it involves starting a new life that barely resembles the past. For people like me, I think they try to find refuge in similar experiences, places, and people in there new environment. During my first month in Denver, I sought out the familiar thru a variety of outlets – the running scene, local independent business, churches, vegetarian restaurants – anything that would help me make Colorado feel like home. It just wasn’t working and I was getting pretty frustrated. I kept asking myself “what happened to daring greatly, Kate?” How was it my strength had vanquished, leaving me feeling empty and unstable? To make matters worse, my running, the grounding force in my life, had turned to shit. Me and the altitude, yeah we weren’t getting along, and it was messing with my mind. Running through some of the most gorgeous Front Range trails, all I could think about was how horrible the run felt and how much I hated being here. Shortly after one of my many meltdowns, Zach started planning weekend trips to get away from the city and I began to use those trips to pretend we were just on a long vacation, a lie I kept telling myself because frankly I was afraid of this new life and fearful that it would never feel right. Heading into the mountains for our weekend adventures soon became the only respite from the constant reminder that this wasn’t home.
I remember coming back each weekend so refreshed, so in love with this beautiful state, so eager for more adventures, only for those feelings to quickly dissipate once we were home in the city. It soon became clear that in order to help me conquer this fear, I’d need to focus on the positive aspects of Denver, and try not to compare this life to my old. The mountains were a large part of the allure to move out west, so that’s where we try to be when free time allows.
At the end of the day, it’s hard to be unhappy with this move when I’m fortunate enough to have an endless supply of mountains, trails, views, and just plain ol’ adventure in my backyard. Conquering a fear sometimes takes baby steps, slow little movements in the right direction. The reality is, we’ve accomplished the hardest part – moving out here – I just need to keep crawling towards that feeling of contentment, stableness, and peace with our new adventure.
Denver still doesn’t feel like home yet, but the mountains do, and I’ll take that for now.